


Celebrity Date Night

by justahufflepuff



Series: The Celebrity AU 'verse [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, F/F, M/M, asexual Gilderoy Lockhart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 20:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14859407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justahufflepuff/pseuds/justahufflepuff
Summary: All Gilderoy wanted to do was take his boyfriend out on a date. Just one date. He promises, that's really all he went out to do.





	Celebrity Date Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zimakvet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimakvet/gifts).



> Listen, Winter's birthday was literal months ago but part 2 of their present got done eventually and that's what counts!

When Dorcas’s ringtone blasts through the hotel room, Gilderoy picks it without second thought. In the bed next to him Regulus makes a sad sleepy noise of protest. 

“If I knew you were going to be this much of a pain in my ass,” Emmeline Vance’s soothing acerbic tone filtered in through the phone’s speaker, “I never would’ve signed you on.”

Gilderoy yawns and runs a hand through Regulus’s hair before sliding carefully out of the bed. “Good morning to you too, darling.”

“It’s eight pm on the west coast, Gilderoy.” If voices could kill, he would’ve keeled over. 

“Is it?” He asks idly, looking down to find himself far too naked to make the balcony a valid option. If his agent already wants his head no need to make the situation worse. He heads for the bathroom. “I was sleeping.”

“And I was on my honeymoon!” She shoots back. 

“Oh right, how is that going? Versailles treating you well? The missus enjoying herself?” 

“She was until three hours ago!” Dorcas shouts from the background. “I want my wife back, Lockhart!”

Gilderoy sprawls himself into the bathtub. “Why aren’t you calling from your own phone, by the way?” 

Either the coverage overseas went spotty or Emmeline just growled at him. Both seem like valid options at this point. 

“Because I had to turn my phone off! It hasn’t stopped buzzing for the past three hours! I can’t even use it, it just keeps loading new notifications!” 

“Oh. Why?” 

“I am going to invent teleportation, and then I am going to teleport across the ocean and strangle you. When I told you to just suck it up and take your boyfriend on a date, I did not mean propose to him in the middle of Disneyland.”

A small thrill ran through Gilderoy, warm and tingly. “So I didn’t dream that.”

“Once I can use my phone, I’m releasing a press memo on your untimely and unfortunate death, and strangling you.”

“Do I get a chance to explain myself?” Gilderoy asks, piecing together the not-dream of his day.

“Oh I wish you would.”

“Right then.” Gilderoy grabs a towel to place behind his head, settles down, and begins. “So. It starts at your wedding.”

——

“I really fail to see the problem here.” Dorcas says, draped ever-so-happily across the lap of her brand new bride. “It’s not like you’re not, you know, already dating him.” 

As Emmeline’s lap is currently full of wife and has no place for him, Gilderoy dramatically sprawls himself across four different chairs and pouts. “He’s always so busy.”

Emmeline rolls her eyes. “Says the man who wants to take up modeling in addition to owing me three more books. You’re dating a movie star. What did you expect?”

Gilderoy waves away her incredibly valid criticism and stares longingly across the room to where Regulus, the boyfriend in question, stands making awkward conversation with his estranged brother. He’s so gorgeous and lovely it hurts to look at him. 

“Less press junkets and more cuddling?” He asks. 

Dorcas snorts. Emmeline probably rolls her eyes, but from this angle Gil can’t really tell. 

“Just take him out, for the love of god. You get clingy when you’re moping and I refuse to spend my honeymoon answering your calls.” 

Gilderoy opens his mouth to tell her all the ways he definitely was not clingy, then remembers his call history from the last time Reg’s press tours had taken him away, and thinks better of it. His mouth snaps shut again and he huffs. “What if I have very important deadline question?”

“Then you can ask Vincent. Or Mary. Or Stan. Or-“

Gilderoy waves his hands in the air to get her to stop, “Okay, okay, point taken.”

Across the room Regulus laughs at something his brother has said. It’s a startled, gleeful noise that tamps itself down the moment Regulus has realized its happened. The sound makes the cockles of Gilderoy’s heart squeeze painfully. He has never loved someone outside his family quite this much before. 

Something in his face must’ve shown as much, because Emmeline sighs and pats his head. “Just take your damn boyfriend on a date, David, for everyone’s sake.”

——

The idea comes to him on a whim. Not entirely unusual, most of his ideas err towards fanciful beginnings, but this one feels special. Most likely because it involves his boyfriend and everything even Regulus-adjacent makes his insides go pleasantly tingly. 

“Are you free next week?” Gilderoy asks over Thai food, curled comfortably into his boyfriend’s lap as they steal bites of each other’s food. He doesn’t really need Regulus to answer the question, he’s already stalked down his boyfriend’s agent and confirmed that Regulus has nothing planned, but it’s still polite to ask. 

“Yes.” Regulus’s answer sounds more like something said halfway through sex than curled up on a couch with Chopped reruns and Thai food. “And I was thinking, it’s about time we rearranged—“

“No,” Gilderoy cuts in hastily, only partially because the bruises over the last spontaneous midnight furniture rearrangement have just begun to fade. 

“But Sunshine,” Gilderoy doesn’t need to see Regulus’s face to know he’s pouting, “It’s been almost a month since the last one that’s so long!” 

“Kitten it really isn’t. Besides, if you’re not busy then we’re going somewhere.” 

Regulus pokes him in the side instead in lieu of a proper question and Gil squirms and flails away from the touch. 

“Pack your bags, gorgeous!” He says, stealing a bite of Regulus’s pad see eew, “We’re going to Disneyland.”

——

Fame makes anonymous vacations ... difficult. It’s not normally something that bothers either of them: public adoration was rather the end-goal for their respective career choices, but today Gil minds. He’s trying to romance his boyfriend and it’s rather hard to so with people constantly stopping to ask for photos or an autograph. Regulus is gorgeous, kind, and far better person to boot, and he humors every single fan even as Gilderoy pouts in the background. 

It takes them hours to get through Main Street, but once they’re past the row of shops and have their own Mickey ears to show for it, the stares peter out. They may be celebrities in a public place, but they’ve been officially upstaged by Mickey Mouse and his cohorts. For the moment at least. 

Gilderoy spins to face Regulus, a smile on his face that glows like the sun. “Come along gorgeous, let’s go on a date.”

“David,” the thrill that comes from Regulus using his private name the one his family and parents use, warms to match the fondness in Regulus’s voice, “did you drag me all the way across the country so we could go on a date?”

“Are you complaining?”

Regulus shrugs and reaches out to grab his hand. “Not even remotely. Teacups first?”

Gilderoy twines their fingers together and squeezes. “Teacups first.”

Thirty minutes later, Gilderoy is emptying his stomach into a garbage can as Regulus rubs circles on his back and tries to contain his laughter. 

“Shut up.” Gilderoy moans, scowling at the garbage can. Maybe he should ask the garbage can on a date. It hasn’t wronged him by spinning a teacup too fast and then giggling like a maniac. 

“We weren’t even going that fast!” 

“I hate you.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean, Sunshine.”

“I’m taking this garbage can home and leaving you behind. Clearly it will treat me right.”

All this gets him is fresh peals of delighted laughter. 

He hates so many things. Mostly spinning. Good lord he hates spinning. 

“Does this mean you won’t go on the rollercoasters with me? I was so looking forward to the one shaped like Mickey Mouse.”

“It’s always broken down anyways.” Gilderoy feels mutinous, mostly because he most certainly will go on every stinking rollercoaster Regulus lays eyes on. He’s a goner. 

“Bet they’d get it running again if I smiled at them very nicely.”

Gilderoy wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and scowls at the new love of his life, this garbage can. “Excuse me, People Magazine voted me best smile three years in a row.”

“I was runner up four years straight.” Regulus says unruffled. 

“Darling, you’ve never done anything straight.”

Regulus kisses the skin on the back of Gilderoy’s neck and Gil preens, scowl falling away instantly. “You know me so well.”

“Oh I do hope so, it’s been...what, five years now?” Gilderoy asks as he straightens up and gives his new best friend the garbage can an affectionate pat. 

“Six.” Regulus corrects absently as he finger combs the curls out of Gilderoy’s face. 

“Umm, excuse me?” A timid voice breaks in. 

They turn in unison and find a teenage girl clutching one of the Disneyland autograph books and looking rather star struck. So much for anonymity. The girl looks so hopeful and terrified that he hardly has the heart to tell her to piss off. Even if she did ruin the moment. 

“Hello.” Gilderoy says kindly, offering her a smile rather than a hand. “What can we do for you, dear?”

Her eyes keep flicking between them like she can’t quite believe they’re real. “Can I have your autographs?” 

Regulus looks pleased as punch at the recognition. That’s all takes for the pair of them to spend the next half an hour surrounded by fans, taking selfies and hanging out autographs. Regulus even records the message on someone’s answering machine. Gil asks the crowd to wait a few hours before posting anything, claiming he’d like the free time to go on some rides. Regulus makes a grand show of pointing out at the rollercoasters and winking at him. The crowd titters as Gilderoy blanches, and they all agree. 

Reg grabs his hand before everyone leaves and doesn’t let go, staring intently at a map. “Space Mountain!” He declares. 

“Is that a rollercoaster?” Gilderoy eyes its place on the map and wonders if he can convince Reg to do something different once they’re closer. 

“Hardly. Don’t worry, love. I’ll hold your hand through all the scary parts.”

They end up riding Space Mountain seventeen times. In a row. The automatic ride photos serve as a study in Gilderoy Lockhart: great at neither space nor mountains. He warms up by ride eight though. Ends up thoroughly enjoying rides fifteen through seventeen. The motion sickness and the terror have almost entirely given up by then. 

Gil absolutely refuses to eat anything if they’re going to go on more rollercoasters, but Regulus eats two veggie burgers and an order of fries as his boyfriend looks on in horror. 

“When you throw up, I’m laughing at you.” Gilderoy promises. 

Regulus shoves a French fry in his mouth and looks absolutely unrepentant. 

They’ve stolen kisses on at least five different rides, and have barely let go of each other’s hands, and Gilderoy is so happy he could float. He can’t remember the last time he’s smiled so consistently and honestly. (Okay, he can, it was Emm Vance’s wedding, but that is completely besides the point.)

They’re outside the Princess Pavilion when it happens. 

Gaston finds them. 

In and of itself, not really much of a problem. They’ve both long since agreed that Gaston is fairly dreamy, what with the smile and the chin dimple. 

The real problem is that Gaston keeps flirting with Regulus. And Regulus, damn him, keeps flirting back. 

Gil’s going to get frown lines from all of this pouting. How hideous. 

“Come on, Kitten, I wanna meet Mulan.” Gilderoy does not whine because he is a grown adult human and above such things. 

“In a moment,” Regulus says without looking at him, currently engaged in a dreamy-eyed stare down with Gaston. “With arms like those, I bet you rearrange furniture constantly.”

“It’s true, I am the strongest man in all of France!” Gaston winks and flexes. “Though you certainly look strapping. Say, have you ever considered a job as a sidekick? I can’t find LeFou anywhere and you would compliment me perfectly.”

“Oh but you’re already complimenting me so perfectly, how can I top that?”

Regulus looks about five seconds from asking Gaston to carry him and Gilderoy could right about cry. He cast a despairing glance around the gift store they’ve stopped a few feet from. He could see a few dresses, some Mouse ears, lollipops and candies, autograph books. The only thing almost passable as distracting is the dresses and he rather doubts they’re designed for quite his body shape. 

Still. Regulus looks on the verge of replacing him. Desperate times call for princess dress measures. He goes for the Aurora gown because it suits his complexion. The cashier doesn’t even bat an eye when he purchases it and remains unfazed when he asks for a restroom. 

It doesn’t not fit. But it certainly doesn’t actually fit him either. It’s a bit shorter than most things he wears and the straps refuse to go on his shoulders at all. The fabric covers all the necessary bits when he bends over though, and he figures as long as he doesn’t break out in a run he’ll be fine. 

Regulus, damn him, doesn’t even notice as he walks out. 

“Kitten,” Gilderoy pointedly ignores the stares of families nearby. “Look what I found!” 

“In a moment, darling,” Regulus says, “I am having the most fascinating conversation about hair products.”

Unbelievable. Gil’s certain he’s much more interesting than hair products and they’ve had hour long conversations about mousse alone. Mousse doesn’t take you on dates and dress up as a princess. He’s tempted to storm back to the bathroom and wash all the product out of his hair right this second. But Reg had done little braids on the ride to the park and Gil can’t bring himself to wreck them. 

“But it’s really something!” He says as he gives a careful and delicate twirl, making sure not to flash anything improper to the crowd gathering around them. When he goes to tug on Regulus’s hand, he gets a gentle squeeze of his fingers but nothing else. 

“It most certainly is something.” A passerby mutters. The disgust registers, and Gil purposely reassigns it in his mind to his boyfriend’s lack of appreciation. 

Gaston reaches out and flicks Regulus’s chin. 

Gilderoy very nearly wails. What has the world come to? 

Regulus blushes and then giggles. Actually honestly giggles. 

Right. This is just getting unsafe. What if someone used Regulus’s inattention to steal him away permanently, in the kidnap-y sense? Unacceptable. He refuses to let this stand. No way he just lets the love of his life put himself in such peril. Gaston is a villain. That chin dimple holds sinister intent. 

He sulks his way back to the gift store with the pout on full display. What on earth could possibly be more distracting than a dress?

Then he catches sight of one of the candies at the front of the store, and an idea starts to form. 

He’s going to need to put his shorts back on. 

All things considered, he’s had more harebrained ideas. This one, at least, has niggled at the back of his mind for months now, unspoken and a delightful brand of terrifying. 

Now, armed with candy and the single-minded desire to make Regulus pay attention to him, Gil heads back outside. 

He walks straight up to where Gaston and Regulus are fawning at each other, takes a deep breath, and drops down to one knee. 

The pavement burns hot from sunlight and constant travel. Around him, he’s distantly aware that people have started tittering and hitting each other. Several people pull out phones. Gilderoy’s world narrows to Regulus and nothing else. 

“Regulus Artucus Black,” he says, voice soft and nervous and all the things Gil actively avoids feeling in public. 

At the sound of his full name, Regulus turns. At the sight of Gilderoy down on one knee in front of him, his face does something adorable and complicated and he lets out a little, “oh”. 

“Regulus,” Gilderoy continues, eyes glued to his boyfriend’s, “I’ve never loved anyone else half as much as I love you.” His heart could beat itself out of his chest. “I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. Marry me?” He pulls out the Ring Pop and offers it over. 

Regulus looks like he can’t decide whether to laugh, or cry, or kiss him. He’s staring at Gilderoy with this wide-eyed amazement, as if he can’t quite believe he’s not dreamt this. 

The longer he waits the more unsure his lungs become of their ability to function. 

“Sunshine.” Regulus says, reverent. He takes the Ring Pop and slides it on his finger. “Yes. Yes, my gorgeous idiot, of course I’ll marry you.”

Gilderoy’s smile could replace the sun. 

In the background, he’s vaguely aware of people cheering and clapping, of photos getting taken. It barely registers. All that matters, all that has ever mattered, is Regulus gorgeous and beaming and pulling Gilderoy up into his arms; Regulus pulling him in to a kiss; Regulus muttering nonsense affections in his ear. Regulus. Regulus. Regulus. 

They leave the park after that. 

Later, much later, when they’re both lying in cooling sheets and giggling like giddy children, Gilderoy says, “I promise I didn’t fly you to Disneyland for the sole purpose of proposing with a Ring Pop.”

“Well now you’ve just gone and ruined the illusion.” Regulus teases as he pokes Gil in the stomach. 

“Also Gaston is horrible and we’re never watching Beauty and the Beast again. That man was clearly on the verge of kidnapping you away from me.”

Regulus dissolves into delighted laughter that continues for several minutes. “Does this mean you jealousy proposed to me?”

Gilderoy fluffs up in indignation despite the statement being, essentially, the truth of the matter. “Getting upstaged by a Disney character was hardly the original plan!”

As Regulus’s face goes soft, Gilderoy can feel his ears turning steadily pink. Oh this will get embarrassing quickly- he blushed everywhere. 

“The original plan?”

“It was far more romantic! There were going to candles and probably champagne and maybe a choir.” 

Regulus smiles like Gilderoy is the best thing he’s ever seen. He reaches up and pulls his fiancé back down. 

—

“Next thing I know, I’m waking up to your phone call.” Gilderoy finishes. 

From the other end of the line he can hear Dorcas wheezing in laughter. 

“I cannot believe that the actual truth is more ridiculous than TMZ.” Emmeline says after a long moment while Gilderoy contemplates taking a bath. “This is a new low for you, David.”

“Or a new high. Suck it, Perez Hilton. And now you won’t have to worry about me fading into obscurity!”

“That is never a worry in my mind.” He’s constantly amazed at how she can sound both reassuring and sinister at the same time. 

“Awww, you believe in me.”

“I believe in my ability to sign your death certificate.” She says darkly. 

“You wouldn’t kill a man right after he’s just proposed to the love of his life, just think of the tone it would set for the rest of your honeymoon.”

“Speaking of, you owe me a new honeymoon. Since apparently I’m going to spend the rest of mine cleaning up your mess.”

“Oh! We could have a—“

“Please do not finish that sentence or I am going to cry. I’m going to get myself a new phone and start calling the gossip rags. You should both probably confirm this on social media before it gets any more out of hand. I expect to be the Maid of Honor. Also, I’m giving myself a raise.”

“That all seems fair.” Gil agrees. “I was going to make you Maid of Honor anyhow. Make the raise significant?”

“I’m flying home first class and we’re billing you for it.”

With that she hangs up on him. 

Well. All things considered that could have gone much worse. 

He stays in the bath for a couple more minutes, grinning at the wall like an idiot. It’s well-earned. He is engaged after all. 

Then he stands up, stretches out the cramps, and walks back into their room. 

Regulus pauses from alternating from staring in awe at the Ring Pop on his finger to staring in awe at his phone. 

“Hello, fiancé?” Regulus says, half-question half-confirmation, like he still can’t believe it’s real. 

“Hello fiancé.” Gilderoy confirms with a grin so wide it hurts. “What do you say we get some new rings?”


End file.
